Ruby & Harry

SETTING:

Sapphire's modest flat.

A worn but cosy living room with mismatched furniture - a sofa, armchair, coffee table cluttered with makeup supplies, magazines, comic books and a TV guide with Anita Dobson and Archie Panjabi on the cover.

A mirror is propped against the wall.

The doors leading to the kitchen and upstairs have been decorated with posters.

Someone has left a passive-aggressive Post-it note on the hallway vase, reminding Phoenix to water the plants. Underneath the message is a drawing of a withered plant and an unhappy, crying face drawn in red biro.

The space feels lived-in and welcoming.

Sapphire's Pride Playlist is on in the background. Every so often, the music stops to guilt-trip them into buying Spotify Premium.

TIME:

Evening, present day.

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SCENE 1

SAPPHIRE (He/She/They) 54, in full drag; big hair, big lips and powder blue eyeshadow) is arranging her makeup supplies on the coffee table with professional precision.

RUBY (She/Her) 26, mousy, in a white mini dress) sits nervously in the armchair, fidgeting with her glasses.

PHOENIX (He/Fae) 29, in fishnets, a tight black leather mini skirt and crop top) lounges on the sofa, feet up, engrossed in his phone. 

GARY, ROCHELLE and HARRY are on the floor.

GARY (He/Him) (a 23-year-old cub with sandy blonde hair, wearing jeans and a polo shirt) is holding a battered, second-hand neon-pink PS5 controller.

ROCHELLE (They/She) (30, in drag as renowned drag king Clit Eastwood) is painting her nails the same emerald as her lips.

HARRY (He/Him) (21 today, in double denim, a pink leather dog collar with an old, repurposed bike lock, and a small pink beanie with a cartoon bat) sits cross-legged on the floor, entirely at ease there. He plays absently with a cat toy. They don't have a cat. He just likes the way it bounces and jingles.

RUBY: (hesitant) I've never done this before.

SAPPHIRE: (looking up from organising brushes) No?

RUBY: No. I've always wanted to, but, Daisy said I didn't have the right face for makeup and that it would be wasted on me. Besides... (touches her face self-consciously, voice wavering) I always thought people would laugh at me.  

SAPPHIRE: (pausing, their eyes meet, gently) Does that scare you, love?

RUBY: Doesn't it you?

SAPPHIRE: (continuing to arrange makeup) I don't know. Sometimes. But if I refused to do somethin' out of fear of someone mockin' me, judgin' me, or worse... Well, I wouldn't be doin' anythin' productive with me life. And I am not givin' anyone that satisfaction.

RUBY: This is productive? A night out on the lash?

PHOENIX: (grinning, not looking up from phone as he snaps a suggestive photo of his exposed belly button and V-line for Grindr) Absolutely. And if this goes well, who knows... Maybe you'll get reproductive.

RUBY: (horrified) Ewww. Never say that again. Me God! You're so gross!

PHOENIX: (mock wounded) Come on. I thought that were good. Prude. 

RUBY: Still ew. Also, I'm not a prude. Okay? I just don't wanna conflate sex and reproductivity. (takes a breath, decisive) So go on then, Sapphire, doll me up.

SAPPHIRE: (standing, theatrical) Doll you up... I am not here to just doll you up, Ruby. I am here to make you a work of art. Me Mona Lisa. Me Venus, me...

PHOENIX: (deadpan) Tracey Emin's unmade bed.

SAPPHIRE spins swiftly on the spot, brandishing a makeup brush in the air as if it were a weapon, her attention firmly on Phoenix.

SAPPHIRE: Phoenix! You either sit there and shut up, or I send you out with the rest of the lads on the piss.

PHOENIX: (mock panic, swingin' legs down) Oh, no way, I don't want to go on the lash with the cis "straight" lads. The last time I did, one of them were drinkin' a mojito shot out of me belly button. Guess he got confused about what a fuzzy navel were. You ever done that, Rubes? Gary? Rochelle? No? Ugh, you're all no fun. Hmm. It weren't half bad. Though trust me, down there hadn't been that salty since that trip to Mykonos for Matti's 25th. (turning to Sapphire) Do you remember that, Sapph?

SAPPHIRE: (waving brush dismissively) No, chuck, because, if you remember, that were the week I had a bad cheese and onion pasty from Knock-Off Nigel and went down with food poisonin'.

RUBY: (concerned) Oh, no. I'm sorry to hear that, Saph. Were you alright?

SAPPHIRE: (touched by the concern, softening) Aww. Thanks for askin', Ruby pet. Yeah, I were fine. Recovered within the week and were back just in time for karaoke on Sunday with the girls.

GARY: I had that once when I bought a beef wellington from him for Christmas. Last time I buy anythin' from him, the dirty bastard. I know he doesn't wash his hands.

HARRY: (nervous) Wait. He… what? But — I bought a sausage roll from him this afternoon. For me lunch.

PHOENIX: Harry! When a stranger comes around sellin' random, mysterious meat from a box, you don't just buy it, no questions asked.

HARRY: But... It weren't a stranger... It were Nigel.

PHOENIX: Strange, then.

GARY: (reassuring) I'm sure it'll be fine, mate.

HARRY: (a small, involuntary whimper)

SAPPHIRE steps toward Ruby, brush in hand, focusing intently.

SAPPHIRE: Now, I'm gonna need to remove your glasses. Is that alright?

RUBY: (removing glasses, handing them over) You don't need to ask, like. Do whatever you need to do to me face. I wanna look beautiful.

SAPPHIRE: (taking glasses, sincere) Darlin', you already do.

RUBY: (voice soft, shrinking in on herself) I don't.

SAPPHIRE: (looking to Phoenix for backup) Phoenix, will you tell her?

PHOENIX: (pausing, sincere for once) Saph's right, Rubes. You're the most beautiful out of everyone here... So fuck you, very much. You and those cheekbones.

RUBY: (surprised, pleased) Well... thank you. 

PHOENIX: And I wouldn't give a flyin' fuck about what "Princess" Daisy has to say on this, or any other matter, because she ain't exactly an oil paintin' herself. 'Specially with that perm. 

RUBY: (unsure) ... Phoenix. Please. 

PHOENIX: (Shrugging) Hmph. Whatever. (Phoenix catches Rochelle's eye and nods. Under his breath) Emotionally abusive bitch.

SAPPHIRE doesn't chime in. She just gently begins sweeping makeup onto Ruby's face, applying each product carefully as she works. But she shares their glance too. 

The rest of the group, save for HARRY, shifts position, turning their attention toward Ruby and Sapphire as the makeover begins.

HARRY continues to play with the cat toy, eventually rolling onto his back as he attempts to balance the feather end on his nose. He tilts his head back and forth, watching the feather bounce, occasionally making small, contented sounds under his breath. His leg bounces rhythmically against the carpet as he focuses intently on the toy.

PHOENIX notices this out of the corner of his eye and rolls his eyes in mild amusement.

PHOENIX: (under his breath, bemused) Such a puppy. Should buy him a neoprene hood. (louder, to Ruby) So you on the pull tonight, Rubes? 

SAPPHIRE: (not looking up from her work) Phoenix! You don't ask a lady that.

PHOENIX: (beat) So, ARE you?

RUBY: (laughing despite herself) Hopefully.

PHOENIX: Noice.

RUBY: I don't know. I probably shouldn't. But how this week has been, I thought, why not treat meself?

SAPPHIRE: (still working, supportive, proud) Good for you, pet.

RUBY: (unsure whether to be hurt or relieved) Besides, if... if Daisy has moved on, then why must I sit about mopin' in me pants playin' Jedi Fallen Order? 

GARY perks up immediately.

GARY: Based! Which planet are you on?

RUBY: (eyes still closed) Ilum.

GARY: (impressed) Ooh, not bad. (in a sing-song voice) Home of the Kyber Crystal Temple.

PHOENIX: (incredulous) What kind of question is that, Gary?

GARY: (defensive) What? I'm only askin'. I'm on Kashyyyk.

PHOENIX: (rolling eyes) Well, you would be, wouldn't you, you walkin' carpet.

HARRY: (puzzled) Is that a line from the game?

GARY: (proudly) It's A New Hope.

HARRY: Which one's that?

ROCHELLE: (from across the room) First film.

HARRY: (tongue pressed to the roof of his mouth, thinking hard) Oh! Episode One!?

There is a beat. GARY stares at HARRY, horrified, struggling to respond.

GARY: (pained) No.

HARRY: (trying to joke— copyin' Gary, but immediately flustered) Jeez, alright, I were only askin'. Calm yourself down, Mr Spock.

ROCHELLE: Babes, I love you, but put down the shovel before you're in Australia, okay?

HARRY: (genuinely confused) I don't know what that means.

ROCHELLE: Exactly.

HARRY resumes playing with the cat toy, but with less focus. He withdraws slightly, eyes down. Before he can stop himself, he lets out a small, dejected whine.

SAPPHIRE claps her hands once, commanding attention.

SAPPHIRE: Right, can I please have the Doncaster Comic-Con Star Wars Panel take a backseat? I'm tryin' to get our Ruby here ready for a big night of pleasurable sex and probable regret.

RUBY: (eyes still closed, resigned) Definite regret.

ROCHELLE: (shadily) It definitely will be with Sapphire doin' your makeup. Why didn't you ask Phoenix?

SAPPHIRE: (wryly) Probably because she doesn't want to debut her triumphant return to the datin' and fuckin' scene lookin' like she'd fake-tanned in Fanta.

PHOENIX: (indignant) Do you mind? This tan is all natural.

SAPPHIRE: (scoffing while applying makeup) Bollocks. Our Nicola saw you in Tanz.

PHOENIX: (caught, muttering) Nosy bitch.

SAPPHIRE: (final warning, not looking up) Right, I won't tell you again, Rochelle, Gary, Phoenix, pipe down and let me work me magic.

Beat.

Everyone settles.

Harry resumes jingling the toy, though his movements lack the control and focus they once had.

Then...

PHOENIX: (stage whisper) So how's that mechanic you're shaggin', Gary?

GARY: (looking around nervously) What? Luke?

PHOENIX: Aye.

GARY: He's fine.

PHOENIX: (grinning) He certainly is... (to the room) What? I'm just sayin'. Have you seen the arms on him? I'd let him fix me engine.

GARY: (dryly) Yeah, Phoenix, you'll be in safe hands with Luke. He's used to doin' up old bangers.

PHOENIX: (outraged, standing) Old?! OLD?! I'm 27!!

ROCHELLE: (not looking up from her phone) Bullshit. We all know you're 29. That's middle age in queer time, dearie. I mean, look at Sapphire, she's practically an elder.

SAPPHIRE: (proud of her queer elder status, still working) And I've never felt more spry.

GARY: I know. She's got all of her own teeth. Well, mostly.

SAPPHIRE turns, makeup brush raised threateningly.

SAPPHIRE: Gary Gardner, if I weren't doin' this beauty's face, I would have you over my knee.

PHOENIX: (slyly) Isn't that how Luke had you last night, Gary?

GARY: (defensive) Oi! I'm totally a top.

Everyone except RUBY and HARRY burst into laughter.

GARY: (confused) Why're you all laughin' at that?

SAPPHIRE: (trying not to laugh while working) I'm sorry, pet, but it's very hard to believe that.

RUBY: (loyally, eyes still closed) Oh, leave him alone. Of course you're versatile, Gary. (changing topic) Is he joinin' us? 

GARY: Yeah. He's meetin' us there. And he's bringin' a few of his mates from the snooker club. 

HARRY: (blushing, not looking at him) Is... Is... Oleksandr... comin'? 

GARY: (Knowing smile) Oh, yeah. He'll DEFINITELY be there. With his motorbike. So he won't be drinkin' but he will be in his leathers. 

HARRY: (whines softly, wriggling on the carpet, a mix of excitement and nerves) 

GARY: Have you given his offer of him lettin' you ride Pillion any more thought? 

HARRY: (blushing intensifies) No. No. No. Um... no. (whimpers) no. 

ROCHELLE moves to get a better look at Ruby.

ROCHELLE: How's she coming along, Saph?

SAPPHIRE: (protective of her work) Don't rush me. This is me art. Me canvas. Me muse.

RUBY: (hopefully) Can I open me eyes yet, Sapphire?

SAPPHIRE: A few more minutes, love. But I've got to say, you're in for a treat.

PHOENIX: (leaning forward to look) Oh, aye, she's lookin' crackin'. Just like an Ewok.

SAPPHIRE: (whipping around) WHAT?

PHOENIX: (hands up, grinning) Just messin', Saph... Jeez, how did you play Blackpool with skin so thin?

SAPPHIRE: (muttering, returning to work) Not as thin as your hairline.

PHOENIX: (not hearing) What were that?

SAPPHIRE: (sweetly) Nothin', Phoenix...

HARRY shifts nervously. He's stopped playing with the cat toy.

HARRY: (voice small, pulling his knees to his chest) I don't really know about any of this stuff.

Beat. The room notices his tone.

PHOENIX: (gentler than usual) What stuff? What do you mean, like?

HARRY: (gesturing vaguely) From before. Films, games —

PHOENIX: (interrupts) Oh, Christ. We're back on this, are we—?

HARRY: (continues, powering through the interjection) I… I guess… normal things people talk about. I never really— (trails off)

GARY: (warmly) Harry, mate, there's no such thin' as normal. 'Specially in this house.

PHOENIX: What's not normal about this house?

No one answers.

HARRY: (a small, tentative smile) Right. I just… I'm still figurin' out how to be around people again. Proper people.

SAPPHIRE: (not stopping her work on Ruby, but focused on Harry) What d'you mean by that, pet?

HARRY: (hesitant) People who… who want me around, I suppose. I don't— (trails off again)

Silence. PHOENIX starts to make a joke, then thinks better of it.

ROCHELLE: Well, you're stuck with us now.

HARRY: (brightening, cautious) Yeah?

ROCHELLE: Yeah. We're like a really shit support group. No gettin' out.

PHOENIX: (mock serious) It's true. I tried to leave once. Sapphire threatened to tell me mam about that incident with the traffic cone full of lube.

SAPPHIRE: (not looking up) And I still might if you don't behave. I call it me Doomsday sanction.

HARRY laughs - the first real laugh we've heard from him.

HARRY: (quietly, almost apologetic) It's me birthday today.

Everyone stops what they're doing.

SAPPHIRE: (immediately) Is it?! Harry! Why didn't you say? Happy birthday, flower.

HARRY: Thank you. I'm... I'm sorry. I just... I weren't sure if... if it mattered. That's why I'm sayin' now.

PHOENIX: Course it bloody matters. How old are you, Harry? 26?

HARRY: 21.

SAPPHIRE: (delighted) Oh, a big milestone one. You should have said, we would have got you a cake.

PHOENIX: (grinning) Would have got you a stripper. Someone in leather and fetish gear, judgin' by your internet history.

HARRY: (panicking) Me... what?

PHOENIX: Word of advice, Harry mate. When your flatmate asks to borrow your laptop, always remember to delete your browser history before lendin' it to them. Or use incognito like everyone else.

HARRY looks mortified.

SAPPHIRE: (protective) Oh, bless. You ignore them, Harry. It's not your fault you're not techno-literate. (to Phoenix, sharply) Pack it in, you.

PHOENIX: (mock contrite) Yes, mum.

SAPPHIRE: Better.

HARRY: (bitter edge creeping in) Milestone birthdays are supposed to be shared, aren't they? With friends and... (stops himself)

Understanding passes between the group.

SAPPHIRE: (gently, still working) Well then. Lucky us. Gettin' to share it with you.

HARRY: (surprised, touched) Really?

RUBY: (eyes still closed but smiling) Harry, love, you're askin' the wrong question.

HARRY: What... should I be askin'?

RUBY: Not whether we want to celebrate with you — but whether you want to celebrate with us.

HARRY: (voice thick) Yeah. Yeah, I really do.

SAPPHIRE: Oh, I'm glad, pet. (stepping back from Ruby) Now... I think we are almost done here. Just one more, and... (final touch) you can open your eyes now, love.

RUBY opens her eyes, catching sight of her reflection in the mirror. Her face lights up with joy.

RUBY: Oh, Saph! Thank you! Thank you! I look... I look...

PHOENIX: (helpfully) Good enough to finger blast?

RUBY: (laughing) I... were gonna say beautiful.

PHOENIX: Oh, aye, I suppose that too.

ROCHELLE: (admiringly) You'll pull lookin' like that.

RUBY: Thank you.

HARRY has been staring.

HARRY: (quiet, sincere) I think you look incredible.

RUBY: (touched) Oh, thanks, Harry. (hopeful) Are you gonna get in the chair too?

SAPPHIRE: (eager) Oh, yeah! I could do your makeup too?

HARRY: (uncertain, earnest) Do you think I need some?

PHOENIX: (starting to say something cruel) Always. Have you seen your fa—

SAPPHIRE: (sharp) Phoenix!

HARRY: (quietly) Could I maybe have a bit of lippie?

SAPPHIRE: (delighted) Course you can, pet. What colour?

HARRY: (unsure) What've you got?

GARY: (under his breath) Wrong question. She's got more colours than Lloyd Webber saw when he wrote Joseph.

SAPPHIRE: (considering Harry's face) How about a nice muted colour? Nothin' too out there, but shows how luscious and beautiful your lips are.

HARRY: (genuinely surprised) You think I have beautiful lips?

SAPPHIRE: (gently) Doesn't matter what I think, pet.

RUBY: (sincere) But, if you want a genuine answer, yes, you do.

HARRY blushes.

PHOENIX: (dramatically) Oh, here we go. She's gonna break out the Abigail's Party.

GARY: Hey, that were in What It Feels Like For a Girl. You watched it, right?

PHOENIX: Binged it. Had me in floods.

HARRY: I've not seen it yet. Only the trailer. Please don't tell me how it ends, I want to watch it on iPlayer.

PHOENIX: (mischievously) Well, you know Paris—

RUBY: (quickly) Phoenix.

GARY: God, one of these days, someone is gonna buy a gag for you. And not the fun kind.

PHOENIX: (grinning proudly) I have seven. One for each day of the week.

HARRY: (innocently) Who needs a daily gag?

PHOENIX: (wickedly) Add an S and change the first G to an H, and you'll see why.

HARRY furrows his brow, quietly rearranging the letters in his head.

HARRY: ... ... Oh...

SAPPHIRE throws her hands up.

SAPPHIRE: And we're back to smut. Here I were hopin' we would have a moment to appreciate some culture, but I forgot who I'm dealin' with. (to Harry) You sure you want to join us, Harry? Not too late to back out and join your pals?

PHOENIX: Yeah, you can go and play Pokémon Go or whatever you young nerds play these days.

SAPPHIRE: (warning) Phoenix, one more snide comment and we'll be leavin' you behind. Behave.

PHOENIX: (sighing) Okay. Fine... (genuinely) Happy 21st, Harry.

HARRY: (touched) Thanks, Phoenix.... Thanks, everyone.

RUBY stands, energised.

RUBY: Right? Who's ready to go out and have some fun?!

EVERYONE: (save Harry, though he is excited too, practically bouncing) YEAH!!!

SAPPHIRE: (shooing them toward the door) Right, you go on out. I need to throw on me glad rags. (to Harry, with a wink) Oh, and Harry, if Phoenix gives you any trouble, you have me expressed permission to twat him round the head with me purse.

HARRY: (grinning, steady) Thanks, Sapphire.

SAPPHIRE: You're welcome, pet.

Lights dim as they exit, chattering excitedly.

==================================

SCENE 2

Later that night.

The flat is messier - takeaway containers, empty bottles, coats strewn everywhere.

LUKE (25, built like a rugby player in jeans and a tight, sleeveless t-shirt) has joined them.

PHOENIX sits alone, arms folded, scowling, clearly in a mood.

RUBY looks dishevelled but happy.

ROCHELLE is sprawled in her chair.

GARY and LUKE are cuddling on the sofa.

HARRY sits quietly in an armchair, fidgeting contentedly with a squeaky pink rubber bone. He is still wearing his lipstick. It's slightly smeared — as though he'd been kissing. He is no longer wearing his denim jacket. He is instead wearing a pink leather motorcycle jacket. 

GARY: (stretching) Ugh. Well, I've never seen the club that quiet.

RUBY: (confused) It were packed. You could barely move.

GARY: Precisely. If it's not like a tin of sardines, then it's quiet as fuck. (looking at Phoenix) Still, someone looks happy. Have a nice time, Phoenix?

PHOENIX: (sulking) Fuck off.

GARY: (grinning) Oh? What's the matter? You feelin' bitter that young Harry found a fella and you didn't?

PHOENIX: (defensive) No! Why would I have to be jealous? I danced with Dorian Ra—

No one is listening. They are all looking at HARRY with keen interest. He blushes, tugging his beanie down over his eyes — bashful, but smiling. In his stimming, he squeezes the bone. It lets out a loud squeak that makes Ruby giggle.

ROCHELLE: And what about you, Ruby? How were your evenin'?

RUBY: (taking inventory of herself) Alright, I think. Fully conscious. Fully clothed and can walk in a straight line. So I would say a triumph.

SAPPHIRE enters from the kitchen, still in full drag.

SAPPHIRE: Oh, I'm glad to hear, flower. You look a million dollars.

RUBY: (touching her face) I feel it. Thanks again for tonight, Saph. It's just what I needed. 

SAPPHIRE: Any time, pet. Any time. Just not Wednesdays. That's double duty down Noonan's. Did you...? 

RUBY: (quieter so it's just between them) Yeah. He said he'll drop me a line tomorrow... Probably. (reassuring) I'll be careful Saph. I promise.

SAPPHIRE: I know you will. I'm proud of you.

PHOENIX: (irritably) Oi! Gary, put Luke down and set up the Xbox.

GARY: (not moving from Luke's embrace) Ugh. Do it yourself, you bloody misery guts.

PHOENIX: (demanding) Now!

SAPPHIRE: (protective) You ignore him, Gary. You boys have fun. But if you're gonna full fuck fest, do it upstairs, I've just had the carpets steamed.

LUKE: Thanks, Saph.

SAPPHIRE: Course, pet.

HARRY approaches Sapphire tentatively.

HARRY: Sapphire, can I have a bag of crisps?

SAPPHIRE: (immediately attentive) Of course you can, flower. You don't need to ask. (remembering) Hey, actually, if you're in the mood for somethin' sweeter, I stopped by Asda 24 and got you this. (producing a birthday cake) Just a little somethin' from me to you to say Happy Birthday and welcome to your new home.

HARRY stares at the cake, overwhelmed.

HARRY: (voice breaking) Thank... thank you, Sapphire.

SAPPHIRE: (concerned) Hey, don't cry, pet.

HARRY: (tears falling) These are... are hap...happy tears.

SAPPHIRE: (relieved) Oh, I'm glad.

Beat. HARRY struggles with something.

HARRY: (quiet, fragile) D… do you think Mum is thinkin' of me tonight?

The room goes quiet. SAPPHIRE's face shows she understands more than she's saying.

SAPPHIRE: (gently, after a pause) I don't know, pet. But let me tell you somethin'. If she's not, then she's a fool who doesn't know what she's missin'.

HARRY nods, tryin' to compose himself.

HARRY: ... I... I just need a minute.

SAPPHIRE: (directing him) Go through to the kitchen, it's quiet there. I'll get some plates in a wee while.

HARRY: (grateful) O...okay.

HARRY exits. 

The others pretend they weren't listening.

RUBY: (breaking the tension) So, who's playin' Fallen Order?

GARY: It's a one-player.

RUBY: Who's watchin' me play it then?

PHOENIX looks at GARY and LUKE, who are getting cosy again.

PHOENIX: (irritated) Yeah, alright. Luke, can you move your arse? All I can see is you two goin' at it in the mirror. It's seriously puttin' me off me kebab.

ROCHELLE: (to Sapphire) Hey, Sapphire, do you mind if I crash here tonight? I don't want to fork out for an Uber.

SAPPHIRE: Course you can. Futon or sofa?

PHOENIX: (territorial) Not sofa, that's where I'm stayin'. Can't be arsed doin' stairs. Share with Harry, Rochelle.

SAPPHIRE: Tell you what, I'll take the futon. You take me bed.

ROCHELLE: (protesting) No, I can't do that.

SAPPHIRE: Oh, go on, have it.

HARRY returns from the kitchen, having composed himself.

HARRY: So... S...Sapphire bought birthday cake, if anyone wants some?

PHOENIX: (immediately interested) God, yes!

RUBY: Please!

ROCHELLE: (kindly) Do you want to cut it, birthday boy?

HARRY: (hopeful) Can I?

SAPPHIRE: (bustling) Go for it. I'll get candles. (searching) Where's me lighter?

PHOENIX: Under your purse.

SAPPHIRE: (finding it) Ah, thank you. (placing candles) Happy birthday. From the top. After three. And a one. And a two. And a thr...

EVERYONE: Happy birthday to you, happy birthday...

PHOENIX: (cutting in loudly, off-key. He is standing on the sofa, still in his platforms) YOU LOOK LIKE A MONKEY. AND YOU SMELL LIKE ONE...

SAPPHIRE fixes him with a death stare.

SAPPHIRE: Phoenix Erikson, take your feet off me chairs, or so help me, you will be sleepin' in the doghouse with no cake.

PHOENIX puts his feet down, chastened.

RUBY: Happy birthday!

PHOENIX: (nicely) Make a wish, birthday boy.

ROCHELLE: Yeah, blow out the candles and make a wish.

HARRY closes his eyes, makes a wish, and blows out the candles.

Everyone cheers.

Gary and Luke ruffle his hair, and he giggles.

RUBY: Yay! Now, who has the knife?

SAPPHIRE: (holding up the knife. In her other hand are several plates) I have.

GARY: (returning from the kitchen with kitchen roll) Who's cuttin'?

PHOENIX: (looking at the Snow White cake) You mean, who's decapitatin' Snow White?

SAPPHIRE: (pausing, considering the cake) Oh, I didn't think of that. God, she's had it hard, poor lass. First poisoned, then forcibly kissed, now cut up into - (badly multitasking, counting heads) five, six; keep your hands up if you're havin' cake. Jeez - animals, the lot of you. Anyway, yeah... she's had it hard.

PHOENIX: She's a princess; she'll bounce back.

HARRY sits back down, still overwhelmed. ROCHELLE sits beside him.

ROCHELLE: You alright, birthday boy?

HARRY: (nodding) Yeah. Just... a lot.

ROCHELLE: Good lot or bad lot?

HARRY: (considering) Good. Definitely good.

ROCHELLE: (reaching out) Can I...?

HARRY: (understanding, nods)

ROCHELLE scritches behind his ear. HARRY closes his eyes and leans into it. He beams, his eyes wide and wet.

ROCHELLE: (softly) Welcome home, pup.

HARRY: (proud, emboldened) Ace... Ace.

ROCHELLE: Hmm. (smiles and scritches under his chin) Good boy, Ace.

LUKE, curious, looks at HARRY, who adjusts his lock with one hand. The other is still wrapped around his bone.

LUKE: So, what did you wish for?

GARY: (immediately) You can't ask that.

HARRY: (smiling, assured) It's alright.

GARY: But it's the principle.

HARRY looks around at all of them - his chosen family - with love.

HARRY: (gently) Don't worry. I'm not gonna tell you. All I'm gonna say is— (a beat) it's already come true.

Beat. The group takes this in.

SAPPHIRE: (softly, with pride) Oh, pet.

SAPPHIRE hands HARRY the knife. He begins cutting the cake as the lights slowly fade.

END OF PLAY